What Altitude Do You Fly At?

We Choose Our Story #1

A few years ago, when I was still working in London, someone I knew in business had reached out and arranged several coffee meetings with me. At first, I thought she was genuinely interested in collaboration - exploring ways our businesses might work together.

But after the second meeting, I realised the business angle wasn’t the main thought on her mind. What she really wanted, but probably didn’t even realise herself, was a therapist friend, not a business partner. She was plagued by her own issues and wore a cloud of negativity around her like perfume.

Each coffee meeting started feeling more like a therapy session and less like a business discussion. Don't get me wrong - I didn't think less of her and certainly offered my advice and gave her my ear. But after a few meetings, it became clear I had to disconnect. Her altitude was lower, very much where the clouds were thickest.

I'd actually seen this in our initial meeting but gave her time because I knew she was intelligent and had good standing in her field. But here's what I've learned; half of what we do in these situations is about timing - when is it right to step away without appearing rude or righteous?

This reminded me of a conversation I had with my daughters years ago. They were frustrated - friends letting them down, people not following through, the usual disappointments we all face. But they were taking it personally.

"Dad," one of them said, "why do people say they'll do something and then just... don't?"

The reason they were so confused is that I'd brought them up to be honest, decent humans. They couldn't understand why others didn't operate the same way.

That's when I shared something that had taken me decades to figure out: We all fly at different altitudes.

Think about it literally for a moment. A pilot at 35,000 feet can see weather patterns, mountain ranges, the curvature of the earth. Someone flying at 5,000 feet sees hills and valleys. A person walking on the ground sees only what's directly in front of them.

Now apply that to consciousness, wisdom, awareness - how people actually operate in the world.

Here's what I've learned through years of running a business, studying clinical hypnotherapy and NLP, and simply paying attention; most of us assume everyone else flies at roughly our altitude. We give people the benefit of the doubt that they see what we see, think how we think, operate with similar awareness.

That assumption will cost you dearly.

Some people are flying high with a broad perspective, thinking in longer time frames, seeing connections others miss. Others are flying much lower - reactive, short-sighted, operating on autopilot. Many don't even know they're on autopilot.

The dangerous part? The ones on autopilot often don't realise it. They think they're flying as high as anyone else.

After years of interviewing people for One Create Magazine and working with clients across Asia and the UK, I've developed what you might call ‘altitude radar’. From my clinical training, I learned to use my eyes and ears before my mouth - to really observe, body language and the narrative without doing this my interpretations would be more instinct and less factual..

Here's what I look for:

Big picture vs. tunnel vision: Do they see how pieces fit together, or do they get lost in "what if" details? Some people can take scattered information and see the pattern. Others fixate on one small piece and miss everything else.

Openness vs. defensiveness: You can tell from body language and listening whether someone has a mind that's genuinely curious or one that's already made up. Narrow, constricted thinking means they're not growing. How do they sit or stand, is their body open and warm or is it closed and tight and a little cold.

Time horizons: Are they thinking weeks ahead or years ahead? The higher the altitude, the longer the view.

Red Flags: When you start getting passive-aggressive indicators or negativity, these are definite signs of people flying at lower altitudes. Other warning signs include: easily distracted, unsettled or not grounded, lack of curiosity, impatience, talking over you, slightly bullying behaviour, know-it-all attitudes, and lack of perspective. Usually it's the big mouth or the one that likes to be heard in meetings - they're performing rather than contributing. Body language tells you everything - people operating at low altitudes can't hide their restlessness and reactive patterns.

This becomes crucial in professional settings. You might be playing your cards openly and honestly, while others are playing an entirely different game. They're flying dangerously, and you could become collateral damage.

Choose what you share and whom you share it with - be sensible. Don't expect everyone to be as honourable as yourself; often they are not. Flying higher means having perspective - use it as a fighter pilot does. You have the upper hand and can make better decisions. You are not forced down by the pilot above.

Be strategic. Step back in the same way I talked about looking at your thoughts - just like they are clouds in the sky (your sky being your consciousness) and see how to make a clear flight path away from turbulence and petty rivalry, negativity and small-mindedness.

It's not about being elitist. It's about recognising that competitiveness in an open, fair environment is healthy, but skullduggery isn't. And you can only spot the difference when you understand where people are actually operating from.

My daughters learned this lesson well. Once they understood that people aren't seeing life through the same lens, they could finally make sense of jealousy, obtuseness, pettiness - all the behaviours that had confused them.

More importantly, they stopped taking it personally.

The cost of not understanding this? Time, energy, opportunities, and frankly, your sanity. When you expect high-altitude thinking from someone operating at ground level, disappointment is guaranteed.

This brings me to something crucial, if you can't separate your own thoughts from yourself, you're flying blind through clouds.

Most people don't realise that the majority of their thoughts aren't even "theirs" - they're just mental chatter from the subconscious. That constant internal commentary? It's running the show while the rational mind thinks it's in control.

Here's what I learned from clinical hypnotherapy: our conscious, analytical thinking is only about 10% of what's happening. The other 90% - where our habits, reactions, and automatic responses live - is doing the heavy lifting.

The problem is when people let that 10% rational part get hijacked by limiting beliefs and reactive patterns. They end up using their analytical mind to reinforce the same old scripts instead of making deliberate choices about where they want to fly.

Higher-altitude people have learned to observe their thinking rather than being controlled by it. That's where meditation becomes practical, not mystical.

So what altitude do you fly at? More importantly, what altitude are the people around you operating from?

This isn't about looking down on anyone. It's about seeing clearly so you can communicate effectively, set appropriate expectations, and protect your most valuable resource: time.

The wisdom here is simple: Choose your story about people based on their actual altitude, not where you hope they fly.

That coffee meeting I mentioned? It ended politely, but I didn't pursue the project. Not because she was a bad person, but because we were operating in different airspace. She needed someone flying at her altitude, and I needed someone flying at mine.

Both of us saved time by recognising the mismatch early.

As Keanu Reeves supposedly said - and whether he actually said it matters less than the wisdom it contains: "I'm at the stage in my life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you're right. Have fun."

That's high-altitude thinking. Protecting your peace rather than being "right" with people who aren't open to seeing differently.

Your move: Step outside, look up at the sky, and honestly assess where you are. Then look at the people in your life and work - where are they really flying?

The sky above is continuous, and so is our capacity to climb higher. But first, we need to see clearly where everyone actually is, starting with ourselves.

This is the first in a series exploring how we choose our own stories. Next week: Energy Vampires and the Art of Saying No.

About the Author: Buzz Langton is a creative director, photographer, and founder of One Create Agency in Bangkok. After studying Clinical Hypnotherapy and NLP with LCCH (London College of Clinical Hypnotherapy) in 2005, which started his journey into understanding how the mind works, he's spent 30+ years building businesses across cultures and continents. He's now sharing the wisdom gained from this unique combination of psychological training and real-world experience.